I am in a band, and I am “ringleader” / organizer / founder / CEO.

The band name is “Barley Soda”.

We have had the same guitar (me), keys (Rick), and drums (Robert) for 10 months. And Rick and I split vocals. But we have had a zillion different bassists and we can’t get anyone to stay on! Is it just me? Am I ugly? Do I emit a foul and unpleasant odor?

Our first bassist was John. I met him on the street outside Rick’s house, he lives just 6 houses up the road. He is a crackhead, literally. Weird crackheads would always stroll thru our practices, all missing at least a few teeth. His girlfriend would come downstairs trying to light the bare butt of an old cigarette. He would go upstairs in the middle of practice for “dinner” and come downstairs with glassy eyes, all happy and shit. One time we left our amps at his house between practices, and he pawned all our amps! I had to go to the pawn shop and buy back my own damn amplifier!

Anyways, we have had about 7 bassists since then. We were supposed to have a new one tomorrow night, but after a year of being able to practice at Rick’s house, his roomies just told him we can’t play there anymore. Meanwhile, we have recorded 4 tracks in a studio, and we are  really really good, and we are trying to finally book our first show, BUT NOW WE HAVE NO BASSIST AND NO PLACE TO PRACTICE?!?!?!?

Sometimes the things you want the most in life are the hardest to get. But when you finally get them, it is just that much sweeter. We’ll get there eventually. And we will kick so much ass our feet will hurt. I would advise not coming to our first show, because you might just get your face melted off.

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